freakingnadz

You Have To Accept The Fact

2009-10-09T00:03:00.004+08:00

Is it me or simply is it themselves?

You are studying in an environment

that I believe it will definitely help in the near future,

especially work.

The process that we go everyday

is like what you will see yourself working in the future.

You do not work alone.

You are a T E A M.

Each day, I am slowly looking forward to a new problem.

Thus, in the process to solving the problems,

I enjoy most when my team communicates very well.

Ideas are suppose to flow and to share.

Ideas are suppose to be debated

BUT not argued and ignored.

There are times when members can be at the tip of your patience

but never the less, they make their OWN CHOICE.

Some can be a hypocrite

or simply ignorant.

One thing I do not understand is;

why bother to come to school

when you actually have not gotten use to the same process each day?

When it comes to presentations,

that is where LEARNING TAKES PLACE.

It is not a presentation for the Facilitator

but a presentation for yourself, me & us.

You do not expect yourself to be perfect each time,

but you learn from your mistakes.

You do not expect to hear the good

and get disappointed or annoyed when you hear the flaws.

You DO NOT!

& I DO NOT!

I am so sorry

but that is how I learn

and YOU should to.

Other than that,

if you can't

I guess you are just to egoistic to accept that you are IMMATURE

or simply IGNORANT.

I love my new class.

I love the new people.

Hence, do not spoil the smiles and laughters.

Bad looks shall not be entertained.

Especially when you start getting supporters

who are blinded by your fake words.

Walking Out My Life

2009-06-09T00:24:00.003+08:00

There is something within me

that is keeping me ponder.

But I have really no idea what is it.

And I really wish to know.

Sometimes, I do not know what is disturbing

or is there anything that I have missed or

simply something is done wrongly.

I do not know.

I am lost in the world

where I really wonder why

and why and why,

but WHAT exactly is it.

I do not see as life being a happy moment

but as a life that I have missed so many

and simply do not know what is behind those darkness.

I miss so many people now,

but when do I have that time,

or is it the time that matters,

or is it just me who needs to leave the world.

I do not know.

My fears are stronger

but why is the world really pressurising me?

By the way,

thank you so much for the laughters

even if we just had a short time to catch up.

It was worth with you people around.

Going back to SKNP is next k?

Not The Person I Am

2009-06-04T16:24:00.003+08:00

I feel like there is so many things that I have missed

& I wonder a lot now for everything.

Once I have known someone,

I feel like my world has change into something new.

Do I like it or not?

I have been not meeting them

& have since to even make a phone call to them.

I feel like I have been restricted with so many things.

But why didn't restrict myself for something more important in my life?!

As days go by

& I look at things around me,

something just don't feel right.

I miss you people!

Why can't you just be my neighbours.

& everyday we shall cook, bake, sing, dance, exercise etc,

everything that girls can have fun with...

Maybe you can even help to paint my nails!

I am complaining.

I am miserable.

I guess this is something for me.

A challenge.

I am sorry but I hate Woodlands.

What I Hear & Wish For

2009-06-02T00:21:00.002+08:00

As I hear them read

and I hear the calls for prayers,

I am looking forward to the month.

I can smell it coming soon.

I can feel the mood and sadness.

However, will I be able to see it upon me?

Ouh my dearest Lord,

allow me to see Ramadhan.

How I wish that it will be forever.

You Are Gone & Forgotten

2009-05-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

I never thought that you would be as the way you were.

The beginning of something is most of the time beautiful.

However, sooner later, I see the horns poking out.

Thus now, I kinda hate you.

Everyday, you gave me headaches.

Furthermore, my daily diet is put to bad habits.

I hate it when you have to make me skip

simply because of your greed.

I do not want to curse you

because I will still be with you for quite some time more.

However, how long am I going to endure myself to this challenge?

Thus one more thing to add, you are so far away from me.

Are you expecting me to love you further?

I hope you lower your expectations.

I am getting very tired with you.

I can simply break down with all these challenges.

The ONLY thing I like about you is,

you are unique.

Tell Me It Is Not True

2009-05-10T15:37:00.003+08:00

I never had an experience like that before.

I never dreamt of it even happening to me.

Now, I wish that what I saw was simply a dream that

was not true.

I am afraid now.

I wonder about the future.

As I see it happening,

I wonder if they will follow.

I need to be strong to go through this.

I want the answer but I do not want to dissappoint.

It is not about how much you say sorry

and everything will be alright.

Please guide me to the right path, oh Al-Mighty!

It Is Not Trouble But Ponders

2009-05-01T19:50:00.004+08:00

I am very observant that I can be very sensitive.

What I hear and see,

they attract me.

Something I love but it can be very dangerous.

I have been missing home

and the people in it for 2 weeks now.

It is not that I live in a hostel

but I am so far away from them.

I totally hate the feeling.

It is 2 weeks now

that I have been waking up each morning at 6AM.

It is not a good feeling each time

because my eyes would stick to the clock.

"She doesn't want to minus 0.5 points for just being late okay!"

Grades have been a question mark to me recently.

I don't know if what I have now is good enough,

but I know that I have done my very BEST.

I am talkative and loud, so why is the grade still the same?

Are you deducting 1.0 points just because of teamwork?

Hmmmm...

Now, something random,

but having the same title.

"Why ask questions, instead of being bless with what you have now?"

Yasmin Ahmad's movie is very influencing.

Her movies are taken from real life situations,

and I learn from it.

Example:

"Man are to love woman but not to learn to understand them.

Woman are simply to do both love and understand them; their needs."

That is why,

I do not understand why you question 'my' love for you.

I AM STILL ALIVE AND LOVING YOU!

When The World Is New

2009-04-28T18:28:00.003+08:00

I cannot assume that they will be my best friends.

I cannot assume that they will be listening to me.

But I know for sure that they are just there as a

'TEAM'.

There are some people that you can work with

or simply people that will just sit and stare.

Not on people but on the screen!

Are you expecting to see grades fall from the sky?

You are WRONG baby!

I have enough of bees for the first week.

Adventure has finally appear honey!

The Beginning

2009-04-24T15:23:00.004+08:00

I am tired but I am learning to love it!

The Wait

2009-04-14T13:20:00.003+08:00

There will be a day when the two family will meet.

There will be a day when the discussion will be tremendous.

There will be a day to either be the joyous moment

or simply a dissapointment.

The time ticks fast.

I am doing it because I am a Muslim.

Let us be clean and pure to the eyes of people

and the All Mighty.

[May he forgive us.]

Please make a wise decission.

I am here,

to listen,

to talk,

and support.

But I will support for the sake for The Best Of The Best.

It is not about making a promise

or making parents dissapointed.

It is for the sake of the BEST.

I realise, it is not about love anymore,

because I know about that already.

But I won't question anymore about

'you don't care'.

If they are true Muslim,

they will sure not disagree to the proposal.

Do you understand?

My Experience So Far

2009-04-08T16:48:00.002+08:00

I grew up in a village in Passi, Iloilo.

Together with my maternal grandparents.

Growing up in a village made a huge impact in my life.

Without my parents around, I shall say that I had a wonderful childhood.

I was very playful as what I heard.

Very stubborn.

Very demanding and fierce.

Yet, I was the one who was loved by everyone around.

I made a lot of friends.

That until today, I miss them so much.

And I have yet to return there for a month holiday spent.

It has been 5 years now!

Oh how I wish I am allowed to travel there on my own.

The permission is given but I cannot stop my parents from hesitating.

Nothing is wrong with my village.

However, they are afraid that I may get influence.

Well, never the less, whatever misses I have,

it is just a phone call away,

but seeing them in person makes a gigantic difference!

Coming to Singapore was a whole different life.

My grandparents were very strict with me back at home,

but once with my parents, they were even striker.

I don't think my siblings are having that experience now.

So far, Alhamdulillah, I am very bless with whatever I have gone through.

I am bless with the way I have grown into.

I am very unpredictable with my emotions and character,

yet very enthusiastic and fun.

Other people can see the bossy person in me.

Catches people like they have own me a living.

Or maybe I am simply a bore person.

Uh-huh!, these are the people who sees only the evil me.

Judging me with only the bad side,

it is unbalance.

Going to school in Singapore was a whole big challenge for me.

I was different from my classmates.

It was not about the 'so-many' ethnics that I had running through my veins,

I was much older than them.

Being a girl too is whole lot of challenge.

Girls simply grow faster and...mature.

I could not participate in many competitions

because I was simply older.

How unfair is that?!

Even if it was very upsetting, I went through the odds.

Secondary school life opened my mind wider.

Studies, social life and family was my challenge.

However, I am thankful that I was strong.

I was strong enough to not neglect the ONE and ONLY.

He was the one that I turned to.

Either thanking Him for the happiness

or asking Him for guidance along the dark road.

Syukran.

I never work well around the Malays in my school.

My relationship with them were very simple but complicated.

I will not understand why I have the distant feelings against them

but I know that my personality of being mature is not the way they want to see it.

If I were their friends too,

it was just for a short period of seconds.

Well, there will be people who will not like you.

But, there will be people who will simply love and appreciate you.

Life's like that...

My age difference made me out stand from everyone.

My maturity level would irritated some people in class or in school.

They never had the chance to make friends before going to bad conclusions about me.

Fortunately, I am glad that I did not turn to them.

Especially being a strict prefect in school.

Instead of being 13, like the rest,

I was 15.

The number was huge for everyone.

But I grew up like everyone else around me.

I was childish like them,

but maturity level was a huge gap.

No matter what age I hit,

there seem to be no difference.

Only when you hit 18 then that is where you will feel different.

That is what those people, who were 13 before, are turning today.

I have gone through that age

and the rest were just going through their sweet 16.

Sweet 16 is nothing though.

It is per normal, unless you are talking about NC16.

18 is where your mind start to think of the future.

Far ahead in the future.

Sometimes, you will get yourself into much trouble than you thought of.

You will just be and get paranoid.

You can get yourself so excited

because you can simply start to smoke illegally.

Well, unless you are the good guy,

you will think of what you want for the better.

Life will soon feel too short once you hit 18.

Social life will be much involve.

Your family seem to be drifted a little.

However, if you are the good guy,

you will think of getting a part time job.

Job experience for man to me are important.

You will want to start saving up money too.

Those are my thoughts by the way,

man.

And I was only in Sec 4,

taking my N levels.

In less than 2 months,

I will soon experience a much gigantic difference.

I will be TWENTY!,

and all the others that I grew up with in school will just be 18.

I will be married after I graduate,

and I would be 22 plus by then,

but still have yet to get engage.

Being 19 was a whole lot of challenge.

Just don't compare me with how you will be when you are 19

because yours will totally be different.

But as for feelings and thoughts,

kinda the same, maybe.

Very challenging.

Emotional.

But you can get very groovy with the thought of being 19

because you will soon be hitting the the number 2!

Very exciting though.

Ladies, just be careful when you are turning 20.

Your mind set will twist a little or a lot,

I do not know.

But as for sure, you will feel changes.

Excited?

I have yet to hit mine very soon.

Hopefully it will turn out to be the best of the best!

Ahah!

Jeng Jeng Jeng...

Accecpting The Fact

2009-04-04T11:20:00.003+08:00

I want things to be my way.

I want myself to be happy.

I want to understand things the way I see it.

However, I realise that it is impossible.

I can complain and argue as much as I want

but that will not solve anything.

I think, I just showed my weakness.

I might not understand the situation around me.

I might be going to other people to share my feelings

other than just him.

He seem to be different nowadays.

I don't think it is me who drifts away.

It is his character of cruelty which drifts me away.

He has been showing his anger toward me.

I feel like the history of bully returns.

I cannot accept watching myself that I am alright with it

because it hurts within.

It feel like I am not being respected as a woman.

When a man cannot find love with one,

he will hunt for another.

It does not matter what principles he promises.

It is the action and words that are seen and heard.

Life is unfair though.

I will try my best not to be complaining too much.

I might and will accept to the new atmosphere.

I know I will be sacrificing myself, again.

Thus, I think that is stupid of me.

But what else can I do

beacuse *@ *&$# @# %#^@%#+@!%

so now, #$& ^%^%%$%& ^%&%*%$&^ #%$^@&.

Picking.

2009-04-03T08:00:00.004+08:00

Not everyone will be very noticeable and smart enough to think of other people's feelings.

Now that they have the biggest role to play for the generations to come,

I really wonder what are they there for when things go wrong.

I realise that when you start picking on the 'new born',

and you do it continuously,

the 'new born' will just turn to grow up ugly.

Just like how you striped someone I know.

I do not know whether you pick on her,

or you watch her way through her actions.

Are you spying on her every moves?

Are you trying to find fault so that your life will be more 'interesting'?!

What the hell is wrong with you people?!

She may be very talkative and different.

She may be mature and playful.

However, I do not see the reason why is there to look and spy.

To me, people are just super hypocrite most of the times.

You smile just for the sake of smiling,

and you whisper nonsense about that person you just smiled at.

I don't understand the world.

Or maybe there is nothing to understand anymore

because the world is just turning ugly.

Well, as I have always thought so, somehow...

Exploring The New Born

2009-03-30T02:09:00.002+08:00

Now that you are born into my life.

I am greatful for the saver.

Everyday, I hope to clean and feed you.

I hope that you will always be happy and energetic

to keep me very gay too.

I will be working with you

and at the same time,

you too will work for me.

May Allah bless us both.

Syukran!

2nd Thoughts

2009-03-30T02:04:00.004+08:00

There was suppose to be something.

Something that meant I had to do something.

Whatever thoughts I had suddenly,

I hope you will forgive me.

I didn't mean to not do anything.

I regret now.

But I really hope you feel me.

Because I feel that I miss something now.

I really do.

I should have done something.

I am so sorry.

Disappointment Or Assumption?

2009-03-27T08:48:00.005+08:00